Mr. President,
I’ve supported you since that fateful Super Tuesday in the primary election season of 2008. I took time to read you platform, listen to your own words, and observe the way that you communicate with the American people. I knew, even back in February of 08, that if this nation was to have a positive future, that you would be the next president of the United States.
After you were elected, I was ecstatic, but also cautious of the public reception. I knew that declarations of "the end of racism", the "fruition of MLK’s dream", and the end to the ills of America’s social and economic problems were all premature and simplistic. I expected to see that elusive change, the healing of some of American’s deepest wounds, and the gradual improvement of the lives of Americans who had suffered through the policies of the past several decades. But nearly two years in, things have not quite gone the way I imagined, and frankly, I’m exhausted.
I’m exhausted from defending you, your administration, and your policies from extreme and hyperbolic backlash from an angry and frightened nation in disarray.
I am exhausted with seeing the most divisive, uneducated, selfish, and unaccomplished people become well-paid celebrities, politicians, and pundits.
I’m exhausted when I see people working against their own best interests out of spite.
I am exhausted from having to defend my support of you from accusations of "blind hero worship" or my acknowledgment of the beauty of your family as "cult-like adoration."
I’m exhausted with defending you against the willful ignorance of an American population that either does not know its own history or who purposely distorts it to form some flawed argument of superiority.
I am exhausted with the fickle nature of the voting public.
I’m exhausted with witnessing the revival and legitimization of blatantly bigoted rhetoric in politics and social discourse.
I am exhausted with the passive-aggressive displays of racism, or in some cases, the outright denial or racism, from some who claim to be your supporters.
I’m exhausted with the corporate-owned, 24-hour news cycled designed to sell fear and destruction to its all-too-eager audience.
I am exhausted with listening to people twist your words, your promises, and even you own name into something wrong, dishonest, absurd, or even devious.
I’m exhausted with having to look over my shoulder whenever I want to openly critique or criticize people or issues pertaining to or involving African Americans, yes, even you Mr. President, out of fear that my words will be taken and manipulated by others to fit their own agendas.
I am exhausted with trying to build coalitions with people who would rather flame out in a grand display of defeat and symbolic self-martyrdom than to make small, quiet, but consistent steps toward achieving goals.
I’m exhausted by self-proclaimed activists that become more interested in claiming 15 minutes of fame than with discussing real solutions for their causes.
I am tired of people using false equivalency to justify their own absurdity.
And do you know what else I’m tired of?
Not being able to find full-time work, despite having 2 college degrees and actively working on a third.
Walking everywhere and ruining all my shoes because right now I cannot afford a bus pass, let alone a car.
Not being able to go to the dentist because I have no insurance and no means to pay out of pocket.
Staring down thousands of dollars in personal debt and tens of thousands in student loans.
Having to whisper to the teller in the bank that I’d like to withdraw $8 from an account.
Not being able to lay my exhausted self down and get a good night’s sleep because I don’t have an actual bedroom or even a real bed (and haven’t had one for several months).
Looking back on the mistakes I’ve made and opportunities I’ve missed in my first ten years of adulthood.
Living in an economic status that leaves me physically and mentally agitated on a regular basis. Not that I blame any of that on you, of course.
But I understand why so many people genuinely feel that the American Dream, whatever an individual my perceive that to be, is slipping away, if not already gone. They look at the TV or read the news and see doom. They look at their street corners and see dilapidation or violence or under-development. They live in a technologically advanced world where communication is instantaneous, yet have to endure slow national progress, and they don’t get it. My American dream: Peace of mind, and the ability to write my own ticket. But each dream is personal and unique. For some, it is already too late.
And yet...
I believe that my dream is alive and well. I feel that this exhaustion will subside and that I am destined for great things, and fairly soon. I have faith in my own skills and abilities, and I am encouraged by the significant steps being taken to overhaul the often unjust and inherently imbalanced system. Not only am I hopeful about my own prospects, but I actually believe that the nation as a whole is slowly but surely improving. What’s wrong with me? Am I crazy? Or am I just so exhausted that I’ve become delusional?
No, I’ve just been paying attention. I saw a dilapidated house, buckling under its own pressure, in danger of slipping off its foundation and crumbling down a hillside. Then I saw a new construction crew move in and immediately begin working on stabilizing the house’s foundation. They re-enforced the weakened areas without actually tearing the house down first (even though there is a valid argument that says the old house was condemned and needed to be demolished). And while the house still looks raggedy, I know that it will continue to stand. The next step is the renovation, which will require a larger, more diverse crew to complete.
What I am witnessing now is the old guard in its death throes. Where we go next will determine the fate of the country.
And so, Mr. President, I don’t need to hear soaring rhetoric or see fist-pounding public displays of "anger". I just need you to keep working diligently to lay down that new foundation so that we, as a nation, can finally rebuild and renovate this house. Always listen to our voices, but also stay true to your own wisdom.
I may get frustrated, but I'm not giving up.
I guess this was more of a soliloquy that a question, but you get the point.
* * Update: I think this is my first diary that does not contain "breaking news" to make the Rec List. Thanks!